


I Know We'd Love To Hit the Road and Laugh

by quicksilverdeancas (quicksilvermalec)



Series: See You Again 'verse [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Gen, Pre-Canon, See You Again 'verse related ficlet, Timestamp, Trans Male Characters, enjoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 09:29:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21072680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksilvermalec/pseuds/quicksilverdeancas
Summary: The full story of the day Dean came out to Sam.





	I Know We'd Love To Hit the Road and Laugh

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Clearfear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clearfear/gifts), [incredulousanteater](https://archiveofourown.org/users/incredulousanteater/gifts), [writingisntapastime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingisntapastime/gifts).

> Dean might be... a little bit out of character? I don't know quite what, but I made him a little extra emotional because he is, at this point, still in an estrogen-dominant body. And Sam's always been kinda... y'know, _sweet. Gentle._
> 
> Also, I'm seriously into the conflict of Dean feeling betrayed by Sam going to Stanford, so this is kind of centralized around that.
> 
> Rated for swearing.
> 
> Enjoy! ^-^

Dean is leaning against the Impala. Ten feet away, his gangly younger brother is loading suitcases and duffle bags into the trunk of a tiny little eco-friendly hybrid rental car.

Dean hasn’t offered to help, and Sam hasn’t asked. Dean is, in all honesty, too busy trying not to have a breakdown to do much of anything right now.

He’s jerked out of his thoughts by the sound of Sam slamming the trunk shut with more force than he probably needed. Dean is 90% sure that Sam did that on purpose. He jumps, and Sam looks slightly guilty.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Sam says slowly, and Dean just can’t look him in the eyes. “This isn’t about you, alright? This is about me and Dad, and I’m really sorry that you’re caught in the middle.”

“I’m always caught in the middle,” Dean mutters under his breath. He takes a deep breath and steels himself before looking up at his brother’s face. “I just don’t know why you have to do this, Sammy.”

“You wouldn’t understand,” Sam snaps, then at the look on Dean’s face, he relaxes. “You don’t know what it’s like, the- the _desperation_ to get out, how badly I need this space.”

“From Dad?” Dean demands. “Or from me?” Sam gives him the deploring puppy eyes and he breaks eye contact. “That isn’t fair,” he murmurs, too quietly for Sam to hear.

“I’m not trying to escape you, Dean, okay?” Sam sounds like he’s trying to placate him, and Dean hates that it’s kind of working. “It’s this life, it’s Dad, it’s not you, okay? You’re my sister-”

And just like that, his walls are back up. “No I’m not!” Dean shouts, and it’s clipped and brief but Sam is staggered all the same.

“What?”

Dean ducks his head, mentally cursing himself out. “I’m like- like you. Trans. I’m a guy and I like guys and I also like girls and I dropped the ‘a’ a long time ago.”

It takes Sam a second to figure out that he’s talking about the ‘a’ at the end of ‘Deana’.

A million things fly through Sam’s head at once. _How long have you known? Did you know when I came out? Why didn’t you tell me then?_

He suppresses that last one. He’s not allowed to feel betrayed that his brother (and holy shit he has a brother!) didn’t tell him a decade ago. That’s not fair. He can see plainly, all over Dean’s face, that he just wasn’t ready then, that it took him all these years to be ready. (And under that, he can see the uncertainty about whether he even _is _ready, he can see that Dean’s scared he’s only doing this because Sam is leaving and he’s isn’t ready for Sam to be gone. And fuck, _Sam _isn’t ready for Sam to be gone, but he is definitely ready to leave his dad behind.)

Sam must be taking too long to reply, because Dean bursts into tears.

Sam is at his side in two longs strides, and he slings an arm around Dean’s shoulders. “I’m sorry,” he says, because he doesn’t know how to say anything else.

“I don’t want you to go, Sammy,” Dean sobs – he’s really sobbing, too, his whole body shaking with it, his face turning red, and virgin Mother of Jesus Christ alive, Sam has never seen him cry like this before – and Sam tightens his grip just a little. “I don’t want to be alone with Dad and our secrets. I don’t want to have to carry that around. I don’t want you to abandon me like everybody else does.”

Sam can’t respond for a very long time, but when he does, he says the first thing he can think of, which happens to be something Dean told him when he was in Dean’s place. “You’re… you’re a really handsome dude, Dean.” Dean glances up at him incredulously and he sighs.

“You know why I have to go. I think you know why I can’t stay here. But you don’t have to stay, either. You can get out, too. If… you know, if you want to.”

Dean takes a deep breath and pulls away from Sam.

“No,” he replies after a moment, cold and decisive. (Sam’s heart sinks into his stomach) “I really can’t.”

He turns away, wiping his face on his shirt, and walks into Bobby’s house, and Sam hangs his head. _Well that went fucking well,_ he thinks dryly and bitterly.

Once there’s nobody around to see, he kicks at a random tire and screams, “god _fucking _dammit!”

He doesn’t see Dean turn away from the window and close the blinds.

#~+~#

The next day, he gets into his car at four in the morning, while John is still passed out drunk from the previous night, and hits the long road to Stanford.

He can’t be sure he doesn’t see Dean sitting on the porch, holding a beer, miserably watching the silhouette of his car disappear into the cloudy darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 'See You Again' by Whiz Khalifa.
> 
> Love,  
-Fake Dean


End file.
